Looking up From the Darkness

The next morning arrived too quick.  Darry helped me get up and get showered and dressed.  I felt so wobbly since I hadn't been up much that I was scared I might fall over in court.  We got ourselves to the courthouse where I was met by my doctor.  He shook his head then went off to meet with the judge.  Why was he meeting with him?  What was going to happen?  Questions just caused my pounding head to pound louder.

In the courtroom the Judge questioned the Socs first about what had happened.  When they were done he turned and looked at me.  I moved to the stand and he started his questions with one that caught me off guard.  Did I like living with Darry?  How were my grades?  How did these questions relate to this case?  He asked me nothing more and I was excused.  That was it?  I was free to continue with my life.

Since things had hit bottom I expected that things could only get better.  I was wrong.  I had a hard time concentrating in school and my grades continued to fall.  I squeaked through math and barely passed the rest.  I had a D in english but she said she'd pass me with a C if I chose a theme and wrote about it.  I said I'd do my best but had no idea what even to write about.

Two-Bit and Steve picked me up at lunch and we went for a drive.  We parked at the far end of the parking lot and sat talking to some girls.  A car slowly pulled up beside us and out climbed several members of the Soc's gang.  I grabbed my pepsi, smashed it and held the broken glass up towards them.   I threatened that if they took one step closer I'd slit them open.  They backed away, climbed back into their car and drove off.

I turned around all proud but the looks on Two-Bit's and Steve's face took me by surpise.  "What?" I asked.  They said they were shocked at my reaction or maybe over-reaction.  They didn't my life to turn out like theirs.  They had amounted to nothing but I had hope because I was still in school actually getting an education.  I walked away and went back into the school.  This was so not like them.

When I got home that night Darry and I got into a fight over the english thing.  It got pretty heated and I think Soda remembered what had happened the last time Darry and I got into it and how life had changed because he went white.  Suddenly he got up and ran out the door.  Darry and I ran after him and I tackled him to the ground.  "What's up what's wrong?"  I demanded from him.  I was right, he remembered.

Darry plopped down beside Soda and I.  Soda made us promise never to have fights like that again and we agreed never again.   Back at home I looked at the bookshelf by the window.  I went over and looked at a few books and then one caught my eye it was "Gone with the wind".  Great idea, great theme, "Gone With the Wind."  My report began, "when I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house I had two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home..."

Dally, Johnny NO!

I stood in shock.  Looking from one face to another in that room we were all in shock.  We had to get out of there because we were sure the doctor would have called the police by now.  We filed out filled with shock, anguish and emptiness.  Buck had gone. Dally was nowhere to be seen so we all walked home.  No one spoke.  We just walked.  When we got to my house, Steve was passed out on the couch, Soda was half-concious with his head on the table and Darry sat reading the paper.  The door slammed behind me.

Johnny's dead and Dally bolted was all I could manage.  Darry started walking at me and I seriously thought he was going to hit me.  As he got into my face the phone rang.  He stopped, turned and picked it up.  Dally's voice, sounding really strange poured through the phones speaker so we all could hear him.  He had robbed a store and the "fuzz" were gaining ground on him.  He was headed to the vacant lot down the street.  Darry dropped the phone and yelled "run".  Out the door and down the street we ran.  We had to help Dally so we'd go help him escape from the cops.

We got to the lot and could see Dally running towards us from the other side.  Suddenly he turned, and we all started to frantically wave.  As he ran under the streetlight, he stopped turned towards the police that weren't far from him and reached into his shirt like he was pulling out a gun.  The cops reacted.  They fired.  Dally fell where he stood.  Dead.  Dally had no gun, or weapon he had just made it look like it.  He wanted to die.  He was dead.  First Johnny, now Dally.  Blackness closed in and I hit the ground.

When I awoke Soda was sitting on the edge of my bed telling me to just go back to sleep.  I pushed the fog from my mind trying to remember but Soda just ordered me to go back to sleep.  I guess I did because I awoke later Darry was sitting beside me passed out in the chair.  I hit his knee and then jiggled his leg.  He came too and was so happy I was awake.  He had stayed home from work to watch me since I was so sick.  They figured I had a concussion and that all the action had overloaded my system and I just collapsed.  I just lied there trying to remember what had happened.  As it came back I felt hollow and empty.  Soda came in and smiled when he saw I was awake.  They had all been so scared when I hadn't woken and three days had gone by.

Darry offered me my favourite, mushroom soup.  He went to fix it.  Silence filled the room and before I knew it both Soda and I had drifted off to sleep.  Later that day Darry said I had to stay in bed for the next week.  No school, no work, nothing but rest.  I hated staring at nothing but the ceiling, it was going to be a long, long week.  One day Darry came in and said someone was there to see me.  I thought maybe he had brought a doctor but was shocked when he told me it was a guy named Randy.

Randy came in and looked quite serious.  He told me he had news I might not be so thrilled to hear.  I said nothing and just looked at him.  The police had convinced him to testify in the case of the murder of Bob. He had told them everything, including the Soc's beating of himself and Johnny.  He told me I needed to testify to back his story up so he didn't have to go to jail.  My mouth dropped.  I couldn't do that.  I wouldn't do that, I was going nowhere near the police.  He could see the answer in my eyes.  He continued to assure me that he was pretty sure I would be found innocent since it was Johnny who had done the stabbing.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  He was asking me to give up my dead friend.

I tried to defend him and take the blame but Randy knew I was being drowned and Johnny protected me by pulling the knife on Bob.  I grabbed my head to try to get the room to stop spinning.  Darry walked in and seeing me that way made him tell Randy he had to go.  I wasn't to be upset for I was way too fragile. I just stared at the cigarette I had lit, looking like I forgot what it was for.  Darry knew it was bad, led Randy out and yelled..."put that stupid cigarette out!"  I did.

The Rumble.

I was late getting home.   I could smell dinner as I opened the door.  Chicken I thought.  Darry had cooked for us tonight and I was right chicken and vegetables.  We all ate quietly and quickly.  We were all absorbed by our thoughts of what lay ahead of us that night.  When everyone left the room I walked over to the cupboard found the aspirins and downed five of them to help my headache.  I walked into the living room and Soda and Steve were playing cards and Darry was leaning against the door frame watching.

 Since no one was talking I decided to strike up conversation about fighting.  The words of Randy echoed in my head.  Fighting's dumb.  I really don't want to do it.  I wondered did Darry, Soda Pop and Steve really deep down inside feel that way too?  So I asked Soda "You like fights don't you?". He answered "yeah sure I like fights". Then I asked Steve.   He answered by saying "I want to beat those Socs heads in. When I get in a fight I want to stomp the other guys good. I like fighting too!" Then it was Darry's turn so I asked, "How come you like fights, Darry?" He gave me one of those looks that hid what he was really thinking.  Soda piped up for him and said he just liked to show off his muscles to which Darry said he'd show them off if we all get any mouthier.  We all laughed.

Darry suddenly became serious and looked at me funny.  "I don't think you ought to be in this rumble tonight.  You've been through a lot recently with that fire and all." I was shocked that was the last thing I thought I'd hear out of his mouth.  I puffed myself up and told them I was good and I've always been there.  There wasn't anyone going to stop me from being there.  He thought for a moment and shook his head.  They were already a couple of guys short so they needed all the manpower they could get.  I asked why he didn't worry about Soda like he did him?  He laughed and suggested that all Soda used his head for was to grow hair.  Other then that he could look after himself and he gave him a shot to the stomach.  They laughed and started wrestling with each other.

Suddenly Two-Bit appeared and said it was time.  The atomosphere went from being fun and light to quiet, sullen and tense.  When we arrived at the appointed rumble sight we found that the Shepherd gang was already there.  Darry grabbed Soda and I and made it real clear that if the "fuzz" showed up we were to disappear.  They all could do jail time but we would be put in a home, somewhere else.

Tim Shepherd walked to us and shook all our hands.  "We're gonna kick us some Soc's butts tonight fellows" he said.  We just hung around, quiet, nervous and acted like we weren't.  Finally the Socs arrived.  Piling out of four cars they all walked over and met us in the middle of the field.  I looked for Randy but didn't see him.  My search was interrupted by a guy yelling out the rules.  No weapons, just fists and the first gang to run loses.  Then we waited.  Who would start the rumble?

Darry was it.  He welcomed anyone to come and fight him.  A voice from within the Socs rang out that he'd take him.  Here before Darry was an ex-football team player.  They had never gotten along on the same team and now they had the chance to go head to head.  They started circling one another when a shout from behind us caught us and mostly Darry off guard.  It was Dally.  He had convinced the nurse to let him leave, Two-Bit's switchblade helping the process and he was there to fight.  This was just the distraction that Darry's opponent needed and he punched Darry in the gut.  The rumble was under way!

I searched the crowd for a guy who looked wimpy.  I found one and started punching.  He punched and fought back and before I knew it I was under him succombing to each punch more and more.  Darry must have seen my problem and ran over and knocked the Soc off of me.  I searched the crowd for Dally making sure he was okay.  I knew his one arm would be useless because of the burns.  I was right he needed help and over I ran.  I knocked the guy off but then he turned on me.  Dally came to my assistance and the two of us took that Soc down.

Before I could get solidly on my feet I was hit from behind.  The kicking started and that was all I remembered.  Next thing I knew Darry was pulling me to my feet jumping up and down yelling we had won, they had run.  I looked at Two-Bit and his face was bloody.  Dally came running towards us after meeting with a kid that had run up to him shouting we had to get to the hospital because Johnny wasn't doing well at all.  Buck jumped in behind the wheel and we squealed out of the park and down towards the hospital.  Suddenly the red flashing lights behind us brought us back to reality.  The "fuzz" now???  We all looked beat up, what would they do?  Two-Bit was quick to think.  He jabbed his thumb into my stomach making me suck air and gasp.  When the cop got to the window Buck wildly said I was choking and they had to get me to the hospital.  They jumped back into their car and escorted us to the hospital.  We all piled out of the car, waved and they acted like they helped me into the hospital.

We all piled into the elevator and hopped off at Johnney's floor.  We all flew down the hallway only to have the doctor step out to stop us.  You can't go in there he told us, Johnny was not doing well at all and could have no visitors.  Dally pulled out his switchblade and told the doctor to try and stop us.  He stepped aside and we all ran to his room.   Johnny lied on his bed.  He didn't move and all we heard was the beep of the machines attached to him.  Dally softly said "Johnnycake" you okay.  "Johnnycake, you there?" Surprisingly Johnny opened his eyes.  Turning his head slightly to see us we anxiously told him we had won the rumble for him.  He needed to get better so he could help us next time.  Johnny whispered Ponyboy.  I went forward to hear him better.  I got down real close to his face and I heard him say his final words, "stay gold Ponyboy, stay gold".    His eyes closed and the machine flat-lined, he was gone.  Before anyone said anything or moved, Dally hit the wall and bolted from the room.  This loss was way too costly!

Before the rumble.

Well tonight's the night.  Back in the city there's going to be a big rumble.  Two-bit, Steve and I feeling uneasy went for a walk around town.  Stopping in front of the local pool hall for a smoke, we were apprehensive as a blue mustang pulled up.  Five Socs jumped out.  Two-bit put his hands up and said there would be no fighting before the big rumble.  The Socs were cool with that and said all they wanted was for Randy to be able to talk to me.  I looked at Two-bit for his okay, then I went over to the car to talk to Randy. 

I was shocked as Randy spoke of being tired of the fighting between us and that he really wasn't interested in the "big rumble" that was to go down that night.  He said he didn't speak to the other Socs like he was to me because he knew they'd call him soft or weak, so he was caught between two worlds so to speak.  But then he went on to talk about Bob, the Bob Johnny had killed on that dark cold night that seemed forever ago.  Randy wondered what had happened to Johnny since he'd not seen him around.  I told him a shortened version of the church fire and the burning roof coming down on him.  He was still in the hospital, dying slowly because of his injuries.  Randy just shook his head.  The ruthless side of him saying we should have just let those bratty kids die while I knew there was another side that didn't really mean what he was saying.  We felt responsible and did what we had to do I told him.

Randy went on to tell me about Bob.  I wasn't sure I really wanted to hear what he was going to say but I knew better then to get up and walk away.  He told me that all Bob ever really wanted was to be told "no".  Bob's parents had spoiled him and given him everything he wanted.  He was never told no. When he was stabbed that night and he died his parents felt it was all their fault.  They were overwhelmed with sadness and grief and came to realizations that happened just too late.  He said it was all just one big mess that he wished had never happened.  And both gangs had now lost someone they really cared about.  It just wasn't right!

 We were done talking so we walked back to the Socs and Two-bit and Steve. Randy called them back they left and we left.   When we were on the way home we saw Cherry and stopped to talk to her.  She  asked Two-bit and Steve to leave so she could speak to me.  She said the only reason she was spying for us was because she felt bad for us.  Nice I thought and angrily started walking away.  She grabbed my arm and sobbed please don't go.  Oh wow I thought, tears.  I can't stand to see a girl cry.  As the tears streamed down her face, she looked at me, smiled slightly and said, "Thanks Ponyboy.  You did well!"  She turned walked away as did I.  Slowly I started walking home.  Lost in thought knowing she and I would meet again.  Some day!

It all goes down..

Johnny and I almost choked when we heard Cherry was a spy for us.  What? How could this be?   Dally explained how she had driven up in her Sting Ray one day when the gang was sitting hanging.  Some of the guys wanted to jump her but Two-bit stopped them from doing it because she seemed to be cool.  She told us since her boyfriend was dead and the Socs were jerks, she'd consider being a spy for us. Dally said the gang guys were as shocked as we were, and we sat just letting this whole thought sink in.

 Johnny suddenly started mumbling that we had to go back and turn ourselves in.  I was like, are you crazy, are you nuts?  We do that we go to jail!  Dally agreed with me. We turn ourselves in, we do big jail time and he knew all about jail because of his long record with the law.  He said you just turn hard in jail and lose all feeling and he didn't want that to happen to us. Johnny and I just looked at each other.  Dally never talked about his past, this must be serious.  But what were our options?  Do we live a life of running?    By this time we had come to the top of the hill that led down to the church.  We stopped shocked.  The church was on fire.  Johnny and I jumped out of the car and bolted for the church.

Dally yelled at us to come back, get in so we could get out of there.  We kept running and stopped suddenly when we ran into a family that was having a picnic on the terrace behind the church.  The mother was frantic.  Her kids had been playing around the church when they disappeared.  Suddenly we heard a faint cry from inside the church. Before I knew what I was doing I ran towards the church door with Johnny close at my heels.  We crawled in through the window, covered our mouths with our hankerchiefs and frantically searched the church.  Finally we found eight children huddled in a corner coughing, crying and screaming when not overcome by the smoke.

We quickly broke a window, got rid of the glass and started dropping them out one by one.  When we were at kid number five we could barely see though the smoke and the heat was overwhelming.  The roof was fully engulfed and Johnny motioned we needed to leave before it came down on us.  I looked at the 3 remaining children and knew what I had to do.  Faster I grabbed two and practically threw them out and finally the last one was safely out.  That's when it happened.  The roof began to fall.  Scrambling ourselves, Johnny pushed me up and out.  As I turned back to pull him out, the roof caved.  As it came down, a large piece of timber hit me in the head and I fell immediately blacking out.

 I came to in the ambulance.  I bolted straight up and the guy shocked but stronger held me down.  He told me I was fine and to calm down.  But I continued to struggle.  Where was Johnny and Dally?  Were they okay?  I somehow mumbled to him about my friends and he assured me they were in the ambulance behind us.  He said his name was Jerry and that we were headed to the hospital.  He said that Johnny was alive but he'd taken a direct hit by the falling timber to his back and he couldn't move.

We arrived at the hospital and I was examined.  Except for a few bruises, burns and a good knock to the head I was fine.  I got up and stumbled through the rooms looking for Dally and Johnny.  I found them lying on stretchers still in another room.  Quietly I walked up beside Dally and I could easily see he was not happy.  When he saw me he smiled and muttered under his breath that if we ever pulled something like that again he'd beat the tar out of us.  I smiled and knew he was fine under the bruises, cuts and burns on his body.

Then walking over to Johnny I could see he was not as good as Dally and I.  He lied there, hooked up to tubes and moniters, unconcious, pale and rather badly burned.  I was anxious and unsure of what to do next.  So I did what came naturally, I lit up a smoke and started to smoke and pace.  I noticed people looking at me so I put out the smoke and justed leaned on the doorpost.  What should I do next I wondered to myself.

Then I saw Soda.  He was rushing wildly down the hall, looking, looking for us.  I ran to him and before I could hug him he had me in a bear hug.  I started sobbing, all the mixed emotions I'd been holding in came flooding out.  When I quieted he let me go and we sat down in the chairs in Johnny's room.  Silence, nothing but the beeps of the machines. 

Not too much later Dally appeared at the door.  The doctors had checked him out and he like me would physically be fine in time.  I got up and hugged him.  We held each other and he started to cry.  Wow, he was crying.  I had never seen him do that.  Not even at his parents funeral.  I never realized till that moment how much they cared.  Soda joined in the hug and whispered he was sorry for ever hitting me and I apologized for running off as I did.  I should have obeyed the rules.

 We stood hugging and I could hear his heart beating through his tee shirt and at that moment I knew I was finally home...to stay.

The Church

Today I woke up on the cold cement floor of the church. I tried to convince myself that it had all been a bad dream. I'd wake up and be at home in bed sleeping but when I opened my eyes and saw no one around, the harsh reality of the past 24 hours decended on me. Where was Johnney? Why had he left me by myself? I started to panic and I ran around the church until I noticed a piece of paper stuck to the ground with a rock. I picked it up and read it...gone to get supplies for us be back in a bit. So I decided to go out back and think about things. I sat in the morning sun, and I must of passed our for when I came too, I heard a person whistling and it was getting closer and closer. I ran inside and hid. I cautiously peeked out to see Johnney walking in the door with bags in hand.

I ran out to see what he had brought back. Baloney, bread, matches, and a book. It was the book. The book I had always wanted. How did he know? I looked at Johnney and he started to get red. My face must have shown shock and question. He told me that he remembered me saying something about wanting to read it and he thought it might help us pass time if we read it now. I could see there was still more in the bag. The next thing Johnney pulled out was peroxide. What was that for? Then it hit me, we were going to colour our hair. He pulled out his knife and i knew what would come next.

He said that we didn't want people to know it was us who had killed Soc. Our pictures had to be on the front cover of all the papers so we needed to do something to hide our identity. I grabbed my hair. No way was I going to cut it off, I liked it how it was. He approached and started cutting it off. I begged him to stop because I did not want it short. But he cut and cut and when each strand was removed he pulled out the bleach and poured in all over my head. The smell was breathtaking and we gagged several times. Then he told me to do the same thing to him. I took his knife, cut his hair off then poured more bleach over his head. After it sat on our heads for quite a while we ran out to the pump and pumped the cold ice water over our heads. Shaking we re-entered the church and wrapped what little clothing around us that we had. He had also bought chocolate bars which we consumed quickly while we sat there.

We sat talking about the Soc he killed and how I missed Soda and the gang. Johnney admitted he really hadn't meant to kill the Soc but he was afraid they were going to drown me and he didn't know what else to do then to stab his captor. Being so scared he just stabbed him and stabbed him until he dropped to the ground and it was at that moment he began to cry. I joined in knowing how wrong things had gone in such a short amount of time. The Soc's life or mine. We cryed ourselves to sleep. Exhaustion sweeping over our bodies and minds one more time.

When we awoke in a heap, we looked at each other and laughed. We wondered if we were all cried out and for our sakes I hoped so. We lit up some cigarettes and sat smoking in silence. He warned me about smoking too much on an empty stomach because getting sick was the last thing either of us needed. I just couldn't stop. I smoked and smoked and next thing I started heaving. When there was nothing left in my system to heave I walked over to the corner and curled up into a ball to try and sleep some more. Just as darkness closed in I felt a foot hitting my side. I looked up and there was Dally.

I jumped to my feet and almost hugged him but I remembered to stay cool. Johnney joined us and Dally shoved a letter from Soda in our faces. I read it and then Dally asked us if we were hungry and wanted to eat. We both nodded in agreement and walked out of the church and then headed to Bucks car. Dally drove to us into town were we stopped at a Dairy Queen and he got us burgers. Well we gulpped it down, Dally told us that in the last 48 hours there were big fights between the Socs and the Greasers and they all were walking around wtih loaded weapons. Dally warned us if we ever came back we would always have to carry a blade. We were still gulpping down our food when he told us that we would have the advantage because we now had a spy. We looked at each other and then asked at the exact same time who was it?. He answered us by saying it was a Soc by the name of Cherry.

On the run...

Wow I was so wrong and on the way home things went downhill fast.  As Johnney and I got to the field on the way home a blue mustang drove up and out got five Socs. Johnney and I were outnumbered and the Socs surrounded us. Johnney reached into his back pocket and pulled out his swich blade. They got closer and closer to us and pinned us up againest the fountain wall.  I turned to run but a Soc grabbed me and twisted my arm behind my back. They all started laughing and said I needed a shower and shoved me head into the fountain. The freezing cold water and frigid air temperatures instantly made me shake inside and out.  They held me under the water and at that moment I knew I was going to die.

 I held my breath but before long I exhaled and water filled my mouth and lungs.  I squirmed and thrashed but I couldn't get up so I gave up.  Suddenly as fast as I was put in I was  back on the pavement  spitting water everywhere and gasping in the cold night air. Johnney helped me up and pulled me into the darkness of the night. He mumbled that he had killed one of the Socs and we had to get out of there.  I looked back to see a person in a lump on the ground with and pool of blood forming around them.  I looked at Johnney then back at the guy on the ground.  This couldn't be happening was all that was going through my head as we started running.  Running where we'd be safe for we both knew the police would be after us. 

We stopped in an alley to discuss what we should do.  We needed to find Dally to see what he suggested we should do. Johnney sugested we go to a party that Dally was talking about the night before. Quitely and quickly we went and found the party.  We knocked on the door and Buck answered.  He wanted to know why we were there and refused to let us in.  We said there was trouble and we needed to see Dally.  Dally came to the door and we franticly started explaining about what    had happened. Dally looked up and down the street then pulled us both in.  The smoke and loud music made it hard to talk so he took us upstairs.  Seeing how hard I was shaking both from cold and fear he tossed me dry clothes and told us to stay in the room then he left.

Johnney and I looked at each other.  Where did he go and what was going to happen to us?  I sat on the bed and rocked back and forth wishing I had just gone home by midnight and none of this would be happening!  Suddenly Dally burst back through the door and tossed a gun and fifty bucks at me.  He told us to hop onto the three fifteen freight train to Windrixville then get food and head to the abandoned church on the hill.  Johnney and I looked at each other.  What had we done? 

 Off we headed to the railway tracks.   We got there just in time for the train was stopped and was very close to leaving. We ran until we found an open boxcar and we climbed in and slumped against the wall.  As the train began to move my hearts thumping started to ease. I think both Johnney and i were exhausted and quickly passed out on the cold metal floor.

When we awoke, the sun was just beginning to rise and the train came to a screeching halt.  We looked each direction, saw no one and darted into the distant wooded area.   Where did we go from here?  Johnney  suggested I go see if I could get directions from someone and off I went.  Not too far on the other side of the woods I saw a farmer in the field.  I flagged him down and nicely asked how to get to Windrixville from where we were.  I got the information then headed back to get Johnney.   

Johnney and I quickly walked in the direction the farmer had told us.  About half an hour later we saw the town and the old abandoned church on the outskirts of town..  We arrived at the church and walked around it to determine the best way to get in.  A small window was broken in the back so we quickly slipped in.  Once in we felt our way upstairs to the main room.  We thought we had come from a rough neighborhood, but what we found there just didnt' compare...